National Tell A Joke Day

There’s National Buffet Day, Clean Off Your Desk Day, and even Learn Your Name in Morse Code Day. In the U.S., there are plenty of light-hearted holidays to celebrate each year. But one tried-and-true national holiday that’s sure to lighten the mood (and not require any cleaning) is National Tell a Joke Day.

National Tell a Joke Day is celebrated on August 16th. It’s a day to celebrate all kinds of jokes, from lengthy stories to punchy knock-knock jokes and everything else in between. Jokes have been an integral part of human culture since at least 1900 BC — and today, it’s your day to shine with some witty bar jokes.

Bar jokes are often short, easy to remember, and guaranteed to get a laugh from the crowd. And while no alcohol is necessary for these jokes to hit, a cocktail or two can’t hurt the vibe. Whether you’re at a wine tasting, your local pub, or one of these must-visit bourbon bars in Louisville, here are some bar jokes that are sure to get a good laugh this National Tell a Joke Day. 

For the Dads — or Anyone Who Loves Dad Jokes: 10 Corny Jokes

Dad jokes (humor that’s so corny only a dad would say it) is always acceptable at a bar. Not only will you be sure to find another lover of dad jokes, but you’ll have everyone in stitches by the end of the night with these bar jokes.

 

Joke 1:

Q: What do you call an alligator detective?

A: An investi-gator.

 

Joke 2:

Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?

A: Because he was outstanding in his field.

 

Joke 3:

Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

A: Because it’s pointless.

 

Joke 4:

Q: What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu?

A: One requires tweetment — and the other an oinkment.

Joke 5:

Q: If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?

A: Mistle-toes.

 

Joke 6:

Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?

A: Because people are dying to get in.

 

Joke 7:

Q: How do you check if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he is coffin.

 

Joke 8:

Q: What do you call fake spaghetti?

A: An impasta.

 

Joke 9:

Q: Why was the mushroom a hit at the party?

A: Because he is a fungi. 

 

Joke 10: 

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?” The other muffin replies, “Aaaah! A TALKING MUFFIN!”

 

For the Literal Crowd: 5 “Walking into a Bar” Jokes

If you’re in a bar — or hosting your own party with your own home bar accessories — you can’t miss out on telling a joke that starts with, “So, X walks into a bar.” They may be a little longer, but they’re certainly worth the effort to tell.

 

Smart Drinking

A guy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the bar’s finest single malt Scotch. The bartender comes back with all ten shots, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. Then, he takes the last shot in the row and pours it on the floor, too.

Appalled, the bartender asks, “Why did you do that?” The guy replies, “Well the first shot always tastes terrible, and the last one always makes me sick!”

 

Bar Snacks to Remember

A guy walks into a bar after a long day in the office and orders a drink. As he sips on his drink, mulling over his day, he hears a voice say, “That shirt looks great on you!” The man looks around and doesn’t see anything, so he returns to his drink, thinking nothing more of it.

A moment later, the voice returns, this time saying, “You seem like a really neat guy!” Again, the man looks around where he is seated, sees nothing, and returns to his drink (while also wondering if he should get checked out by a professional).

Finally, just when his nerves have cooled, he hears, “I bet your parents are so proud of you!” The guy slams down his drink, looks around wildly, and calls over to the bartender. He says, “Hey bartender! What’s that voice I keep hearing?”

“Oh, those are the peanuts,” the bartender replies. “They’re complimentary.”

 

Science is Neat

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When he gets his drink, the neutron asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?”

The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”

 

Seeing-Eye Dogs

A man walks into a bar with his dog. He approaches the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, “You can’t bring that dog in here!” The guy — without hesitation — says, “This is my seeing-eye dog.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” the bartender replies. “Here, first drink’s on me.” The man takes his drink and goes to his table near the door.

Another guy walks into the same bar with a Chihuahua. The first guy sees him enter, stops him, and says, “You can’t bring that dog in here unless you tell him it’s your seeing-eye dog.” The second guy thanks the man for the information, then heads up to the bar and asks for a drink.

As expected, the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring dogs in here!” The second man replies, “But this is my seeing-eye dog.” The bartender immediately responds, “No way. They don’t use Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs!”

The man pauses for a second, then replies, “What?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!”

Fonts Unwelcome

Comic Sans, Helvetica, and Times New Roman walk into a bar.

“Get out!” yells the bartender. “We don’t serve your type here!”

 

Prepare Your Bar Jokes For Your Next Gathering

Whether on National Tell a Joke Day or for your next gathering, make one of your favorite classic cocktails. But also prepare a few of your favorite bar jokes to lighten the mood. From easy, witty jokes to longer gems, you can always count on being the life of the party with some humor.

 

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What’s your favorite go-to bar joke?